Here are the rememberances streaming from my head: Science projects in the sink, trying to comb through your thick beautiful hair, the bird that landed on you in the backyard pool, your laughter, smile and voice...
I remember the day you told me you wanted to quit dance and become a cheerleader. I thought--how are we going to do this? Who will drive you to and from practice? How can I keep a watchful eye on you while owning a dance studio and teaching from 3pm 'til 9? I didn't want to miss out on any of that! I sold my dance studio and barely looked back. You and Kristen have always been the most important thing in my life and your dreams were/are so important. I wanted to let you have all the chances you wanted.
That turned into auditions and trips to LA. So much fun and great times and memories. All my love--Mom

dreams

Alicia....I have finally been dreaming about you. Some of them are 'normal' we are happy and kids and living life....other dreams are crazy and horrible and I'm always trying to save you. A few nights ago I had a dream about you....you knew what was happening and that you were going to die, and all I wanted to do was hold you and tell you I love you but I couldn't. Something in the dream was preventing me. I hope you know how very much I love you and I wish so badly you were still here. I miss you so much. Love you my sweet sister

Always Missing My Goose

My heart still hurts as I think of Alicia. She brought so much joy to the world and without her, I still feel empty. I think of her every day and wish that I could see her and laugh with her. We shared so much in eight years and it's difficult to know that I am unable to create new memories with her. I'm thankful for all that she was and the many things she shared with the world. I can't fully express how much I miss her.

4 months....

It's been 4 months since Alicia has passed away....I am still in denial sometimes. I think of her everyday, I miss her so much. I was having a really rough week last week; I went for a walk around the park one day and I was so depressed and upset....I looked up at the sky and I saw a cloud shaped like a perfect 'A'. It made me smile and know that my sister is still with me and always will be....I just wish she was still here. I want to call her and talk about all the funny/crazy things that happen....I want to give her a hug and laugh and smile and drink a glass of wine together. I love you Alicia!!!

The Surprise

As my own birthday approaches, I am reminded of my 33rd birthday when Alicia was 3 and Kristen was 6. I had gone back to school and loved researching for my various classes--especially history and english. Never doing all that well in geography, I wanted to look up where various countries, cities and rivers were that I was reading about and wholly fascinated by. This is well before the advent of easy internet. If you wanted to find maps of different countries, you had to go to the library--or own an atlas. Which was what I really wanted for my birthday. Ric (dad) took the girls shopping with the express direction not to tell me what they got me. I was excited to see Kristen and Alicia coming up the walkway and I opened the front door wide--ready for my greeting kisses and hugs. Alicia could barely contain her little self and she was trying not to ruin the surprise of my gift...."It's not a book and it's not blue", she blurted out. I had to pretend I didn't know what she meant, even though Kristen was highly perturbed by this statement! Yes--I got my atlas and it is one of my most treasured possessions, always a reminder of my 2 little girls and their great love for me and I for them.